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[icon] Having a journal is good for this stuff… - ConfusedXLove
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Subject:Having a journal is good for this stuff…
Time:08:18 pm
Current Mood:melancholymelancholy
 

 Sometimes I feel so empty… and other times so alive…

 

It’s almost like day and night…

 

I don’t trust anyone… I’m not ready to trust anyone.

 

Is it bad that I’m not willing to give up everything I have for someone?  Even if I think I love them?

 

I just don’t know how much of my heart to give away… I can’t honestly say I trust him completely.  Not because of anything wrong… but, I guess, what has happened before with him in other relationships and other people. 

 

I shouldn’t have done this… but I went to his Xanga journal and was reading some entries about him and an ex-girlfriend, him and another girl he was interested in.  How do I know I’m not a rebound? I guess that is the main question…

The jealousy is unbearable… I’ve never been this jealous about anyone before.  It eats me away the more I think about it…

 

He wouldn’t be doing it on purpose… I mean, I feel he is very passionate about his feelings towards me… but how could I tell if he is using all of that energy to express his love for me, is actually love he is feeling for someone else…

 

I care for him… but I still am not going to let my guard down… I’ve been hurt before…and I want to trust him, but I can’t just yet.

 

 

I’m completely torn at the moment.

 

 

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bloody_kisser
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Time:2008-06-20 06:05 am (UTC)
I have the same thing. I can't trust people, I just can't. I know what you mean when you say that.

I get jealous, too, it's the worst. Don't feel like you're awful for getting jealous - it's normal. You just have to realize that that was them, and it was long ago. This is now and he cares about YOU.

It gets better, though. At least I like to hope it does. I've come across someone recently who I trust so much and let my gaurd down around - it's weird and hard to deal with... It's just something you have to ease into, sort of? It will all get better. =)

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[icon] Having a journal is good for this stuff… - ConfusedXLove
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